-晴朗-

<<贝壳上的星星>>

看过有星星的贝壳吗？

贝壳一定是疲倦了天涯的远航，
才搁浅在海角的沙洲。
偶然间，被沙滩人拾回来了。

沙滩人把贝壳拾回来后，
按着贝壳的大小，细心地把他们收藏在美丽的盒子里，
依依代表了对星星的思念。

贝壳上的星星，是一颗真诚的心。。
究竞是哪只浪花的巧手，
蓝波蓝涛中，雕你成动人的图案，
柔蓝细沙中，将你无中生有，
把星星雕刻在你白白的掌心?

也许是夜里，天上星星悄悄地把自己的倒影印在贝心上。。
就这样，星心离不开贝壳的掌心。。
就只好等待。。等待着沙滩人的到来，带他回家。

***
雕我心，赐我灵
创万物，造天际
唯有祢，耶和华

Playlist: Linda Ronstadt & James Ingram [Somewhere out there]

-雨天-

莉萨问可可是否坠入了爱河。。
可可想。。。大概是吧。。
希望每天能看见那个人，
有好多东西想跟那个人一起做，
希望能与那个人有个未来。。
算吗？

选择多，是好，是坏？
可可就是希望她只有一个选择。
好的，一个就够了，不是吗？
选择太多，会令人混乱，
到最后不能做决定，不是更烦吗？

就好像每当可可不知要吃什么时，都会选择鱼圆面。
不是没有别的选择呀，就是因为鱼圆面好吃。

就好像上帝，也只给人类一个选择。
要得永生，就得信靠耶稣，
因为他是道路，真理，生命；诺不借着他，没有人能到父那里去[约翰14：6]
我们也别无选择呀。。

可可知道莉萨爱自己，
要可可得到最好的。。

当事者迷，旁观者清。。
可可还是听话了。

+故事如有雷同，纯属巧合+
***
God, dont make it too complicated for me..

-晴天-

可可又流泪了。
又是谁弄哭了可可？(真可恶。。)
可可的好友- 莉萨。
好久好久，没被一个人感动得掉泪了。
可可不知道自己的身份会那么容易就被拆穿。。
但可可还是会把故事写完。
有如莉萨所说的，可可的故事不是个悲剧，而是个美丽结局的开始。
因为可可跟幸福已有了个约定。

老天爷一开始都没有亏待可可。
因为他给了她一个最珍贵的东西 - 她和莉萨的友情。

可可感谢有莉萨。
她也只有莉萨这个可以依靠的女朋友。
可可有时觉得自己太依赖莉萨了。。
觉得欠她好多，好多。。
所以每次都想对她好。
但每次对她的好，都比不过莉萨对她的更好。
她知道莉萨并不会计较这些。。
所以她会一直陪着莉萨完成这故事。

+故事如有雷同，纯属巧合+
***
要知道可可的结局，就要守着可可的故事。

-Quiet night-

Lord I come into Your presence
Here I stand in awesome reverence
Falling before the wonder of Your name

Humbly now, Lord i surrender
This offering to You forever
Take all I am and use me Lord I pray

Make me what You want me to be
Teach me Your ways
I lay down my life for You
Throw down my crowns before You
Given my all for Your name

My Savior how I adore You
Healer my heart longs for You
Jesus You're worthy to be praise

Jesus You are Lord forever

***
.::WoRsHiPpeR::.

-夜晚-

音乐盒。

我喜欢音乐盒。因为它很漂亮，播放出来的音乐很好听。
音乐盒，其实是个蛮浪漫的东西。(啊哟，看太多戏了吧。。)
其实，音乐盒也是个很被动的东西。

好听的音乐就藏在美丽的盒子里。
如果没有人把盒子打开，音乐永远都释放不出来。
那，音乐盒就不是音乐盒了。
它，也之不过是个空荡荡的盒子。

如果你没把你生命中的曲子播放出来，
那你怎么活得灿烂，过得精彩呢？
走在生命的尽头时，才发现原来自己的生命似个空盒子，
就这样，带着一生的遗憾，无奈的离开。。
何必呢？

好好地过这人生吧！
就像音乐盒里的那个舞蹈员，
无论是在哪里，是谁打开那盒子，
只要音乐一飞腾起来，
不管有没有人看，
她都随着音乐摆动起来，偏偏起舞。
不为别人，就只为自己，
因为这就是她的使命。

来，别再做个被动的人，
释放自己，来与我供舞吧！

***
我的生命，我的音乐。
Music, my inspiration.

Playlist: Ella Fitzgerald [Somewhere over the Rainbow]

-雨天-

可可独自坐在<人烟稀少>咖啡厅
突然，外面下起了雨。
雨一直不停的向玻璃窗打着，使得窗外的景色模糊不清。
外面的雨，有如打到她的玻璃心房。。
可可的心有如玻璃窗的水窗帘，碌碌徐徐地流着。
脑海里一直重复着爸爸对她说的那翻话。。。

简讯的玲声突然向起，可可的心跳开始加速。
是他。
她有好多好多的事情要告诉他，但不知从何说起。。

。。。
。。。。

***
故事那时写到一半，因太累了，所以没写了。
现在没灵感了，写不下去了。
学习：今天的事，今天做。Procrastination leads you to nowhere.
<26th April 2004; 0441>

-cloudy-

可可回到家，发现衣橱里妈妈留给她的那笔钱。
钱跟着两封信邦在一起。。在信封上，妈妈留了个字条。
读了那字条，可可不知是感动还是难过。。
或许是害怕，也或许是自责，觉得自己好没用。。
眼泪流呀流，感觉上好像整个世界的沉重都被披在自己的身上。
也不知到自己还能坚持多久。。

妈妈的用心良苦，可可不是不知道，可可也不是故意让妈妈伤心。
有些事情就是那么无法解释，对方也是那么无法了解。
好无奈。。

可可正在学习了解这世界，让每天成为新的起点。
她拼命的提醒自己要走向前，不让自己再回到昨天。
可可告诉自己，不能再哭了。。
好的明天一定会到来。

***
哭过后才学会谅解，我会学会。。
我的世界。

-天气很热-

今天的心情 - 遇见。。

***
听见 冬天的离开 我在某年某月 醒过来
我想 我等 我期待 未 来却不能因此安排
阴天 傍晚 车窗外 未来有一个人在等待
向左 向右 向前看 爱要拐几个弯才来

我遇见谁 会有怎样的对白 我等的人 他在多远的未来
我听见风 来自地铁和人海 我排着队 拿着爱的号码牌
我往前飞 飞过一片时间海 我们也常在爱情里受伤害
我看着路 梦的入口有点窄 我遇见你是最美的意外

终有一天 我的谜底会解开。。。

Playlist: 孙燕资 <<遇见>>

-深夜-

因为你，确定了我的存在。
因为我，你发现了有我的存在。

***
是这样的吗？

-小雨时不时的下-

今天话不多，只有 四个字，坚持到底。

***
未来会是这么样？
我不知道。。
走了那么远，不能放弃，不能后悔。
要坚持到底。

我会成功！我会给我家人过好日子！
我会实现心中的梦想！
曹依琳，加油！加油！

Playlist: 啊杜<<坚持到底>>
>>是祢让我看透生命这东西，四个字，坚持到底。
如果没有祢，我的生活回到一片狼藉
不管有多苦，我会全心全力，坚持到底<<<
Father, i cant do it without You..

-晴朗-

我要说个灰姑娘的故事。

***
忙了一整天，可可庆幸今天能早回家。
她一边走着，一边看着今天刚买的书。
内容不是很着迷，但可可还是想把那本书尽快看完。
到了家门口，她连门也不开，就坐在门外的楼梯上，继续看着那本书，就是要把那一页读完。
这就是可可。做什么事都是那么投入。

进门时的情景每天似乎都是一样的。
可丽(可可的妹妹)都是坐在电脑前与她的网友谈天。
可可有了新书，不想上网。打算冲了凉，早点打烊睡觉。
当她走进与可丽共用房里时，看见整个房间乱七八糟，不时火了起来。。
一身的劳累，早 点 的 休息，这就没了。

这也不是第一次了。
可丽除了工作不在家，其余的时间也只花在睡觉，看电视与玩电脑，
从来都不把家的整洁放在心上。。
可可换上 了衣服，准备收拾房间。
身上的疲累使得她觉得好不公平。这样的生活还要过多久？
鼻子一酸，热泪马上留了出来。
她恨不得马上能搬出去住，
过自己想要的生活，
自己独立的生活。
也许这样就没这一类的烦恼了。
她不想每天回来都看见一个收拾不完的家，
或许说，一个没有人要收拾的家。。

躺在床上，可可眼泪似否 没停过。。
不久，她 的 泪 水 陪她入了睡。。
可可进入了梦中。。
她，又梦见了他。
但看不清楚他到底是谁。。
只觉得好累，好累。。
她，在等待更好的明天。。

晚安！夜 空 里 的星星！

-夜深宁静-

很晚了，这时候的我应该在睡觉。。
今天的meeting很晚才完。
刚冲完凉，头发还湿湿的。
在等头发干的当儿，读了一个网上小说。
上次读 的<<夜玫瑰>>还蛮不错。
但这新故事读了前三章，还是有点满头污水。。
也许我没专心读吧。但我想我还会继续读下去。

明天有band,好开心。感觉上好像好久好久没去了。。
真的很想念。。。

新年时回去婆婆家度过。
有十多年没回去过年了。
有点不一样。。但还是很愉快的度过今年的新年。
小时候，每个人都住在一起。除夕时都已热闹几分。。
又有得放鞭炮，烟花。。
现在，鞭炮不能乱放。。
而每个人呢，都有了自己的家庭，
团圆饭都各吃各的，除夕与初一都显得非常静。
初二，人真的是多到数不清。
欢聚完了，人走了，屋子也静下来了。
另一天又过去了。
这就是新年。
真的很不想长大。

初二晚上和雯馨去她的同学聚会。
感觉怪怪的。。人家聚会，你去干吗。。
但还是去了。
她的朋友很好，都很健谈，爱开玩笑。
蛮羡慕她的朋友。
自己出国读书，然后就在那儿工作。。
台湾啦，爱尔兰啦，加拿大啦。。
好独立的生活。
这是我一直都很想要的。。
我想要有自己的房子。。
不是不爱家人。。
就是希望有自己的空间，就是属於自己，单独的空间。。
这是自私吗？

也许，我早已习惯一个人。。

***
我无法在夜里入睡，
因为思念一直来敲门。
我起身为你祈祷，
用最虔诚的文。
我若是天使，
我只守护你所有的幸福。。

-火-

气死我了。。
刚才写的一大堆，就因电脑的故障，什么都没了！！！
写了差不多一小时。。都写完了ye!!!
*消气，消气。。all things work out good for the kingdom of God...
ok,再来一次。希望我还能记得刚才我写些什么。

***
这已是我第三次开电脑了。。

一整晚都睡不着。。也许是昨晚的Raspberry latte吧。。
弟弟的呼吸声好大，真的睡得好熟。。(原来“呼呼大睡”不是乱盖的)。

头又开始痛了。
刚才在床上想了一些东西。

原来药真的只能维持四小时。
每当头痛，肚子痛等之类的痛时，我们都会找药吃。
吃了药，痛不见了，就代表没事了吗？

有如说头痛。
为什么会头痛？压力呀等之类的因素，也或许是脑的某一种个神经线被压到了。
吃药能挪走“痛”，但这就代表问题不在了吗？
如果问题不在了，为什么过了一段时间“痛”又回来了呢？
有时候吃了药，头果然不痛了，这就代表头以后就不会痛了吗？
我想。。神经线被压到，所以导致“痛”。
“痛”不在了，并不代表“头痛”(问题)不在了。
现在开始头痛了吧。。哈。如果不让你体会到头痛，你怎么了解我在说什么？
祝你头痛快乐！
(以上并没有医学根据，我只是拿来作比喻罢了)

其实是想说，有很多事情不是能用表面来看的。
别只用片面去看某种事物或人。
表面上，事情看起来好像没事，但这并不代表问题解决了。
一个人表面上看起来很开心的样子，这就代表他没烦恼，住在一个没有问题的国度里吗？
一个人如果不能符合你的要求，就代表他人格有问题吗？
有句话说 "Dont criticize someone unless you walk a mile with him"
话是如此的真。Who are we to judge?
Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgement you judge, you will be judged;
and with the measure you use, it will be measured it back to you. Why do you look at the speck in your friend's eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye?
不要用有色的眼光去看别人，别人也不会用有色的眼光来看你。

在这世上，我们只能活一次，也只能彼此相识一次，
为何不好好地一起度过这一次？
把爱自己的爱，也分给周围的人吧。

写着，写着，天都亮了。
我果然是没睡到。
要准备去做工了，今晚得上课。。
看看我怎么熬吧！

后会有期~

-Rainy day-

我真的好累，
你要的我都学不会。。

***
有时候时间走得太快，让人害怕成长。
时间走得太慢的时候，让人感觉疲累。
时间呀，时间。。你该怎么办呢？
你无法满足每个人的要求。。
好吧！那你就做你自己吧。
时间，就让人去掌控吧。
成长的路程也许会让你感觉疲累，
但成长是必然的。
你得懂得什么时候放手。。
放下手里所谓的‘幸福’，
来换取未来的幸福。。

“握紧的双手你能抓得住什么
给你海阔天空又有什么用
我们都骗不过自己
我们都太过自信
才让我们都忘了珍惜。。
渴望自由的人往往不自由
我站在街的这一头
见证你所有的寂寞
放开手爱才能宽容
也许这不容易
我还是想记得你
真心的对待最值得回忆”

Track 4: 何耀珊 <<握紧>>

-绵绵细雨-

最近一直下雨。没关系，我喜欢这样的天气。

<<透明的颜色>>

透明是什么颜色？
透明的颜色就是你所看到的颜色。
因为他是透明，所以他什么都是。
透明是万物的影子。。。
每一个事或物，都有一层颜色，
所以你无法看得透明，看得彻底。
也许。。透明不是用看的，
而是用心去体会的。。
所以，想彻底的去看一个人，
得用心去感觉，用心去体会。。

***
流星。。
你看得见他，但你抓不了永恒。
可是，你可以把永恒收藏在记忆里。。

因为空气有你的回忆，
请你拿呼吸与我回应。。

-Raining-

Caution: You need chinese software to read this blog.
Downloadable: http://download.com.com/3120-20-0.html?qt=NJStar+communicator&tg=dl-2001

好久好久没在这写下心情，写下片片思意。
不知是什么时候开始，我发现自己没那么西方化了。。
小时候，总是觉得西方国家很美。。传统，文化都很特别。。恨不得马上可以长大，然后可以移民去那儿。。(外国的月亮比较圆嘛。。)
也许是因为某些外界的影响，慢慢地，觉得亚洲国家也很不错，也很美丽。。
渐渐的，在我日记本里，我开始用华文来表达自己。。
毕竟是华人，也来自亚洲，应该以土为荣。
世界，就是那么美丽。 不管是西方国家也好，亚洲国家也好。。这世界本来就是个美丽的奇迹。。
就因为有神，所以有奇迹。。有你有我。。。

刚才在回家路上想了一些东西。。

走路时，我总是喜欢往地上看。不知为什么。。也许是希望看见自己的脚真的在脚踏“石”地吧。
我时不时喜欢在人群中突然停下脚步。。也许是想试探自己的存在吧。
我喜欢望窗外，看着人群走过。。
也喜欢在路旁思想。。尽管眼前的路人川流不息，我依然沉静在自己的世界里。
也许停下来想想东西，观察人群，看看雨滴掉落在路面上。。也会有意外的收获吧！

有些人为了生存而忙碌，
有些人为了生活而忙碌。。
生存跟生活有不同吗？
生存是为了survive 吧。。
而生活。。。hmmm..也许有的人因为怕闲着而忙碌吧。。所以变成了一种生活方式。
有的也许是为了逃避某种事情而投入于忙碌，为了忙碌而忙碌。。
你是哪一种呢？

有的人在忙碌中找到了生存的意义，
有的在忙碌前已找到了。。
你找到了吗？

就让外面的雨，洗掉你今天的失望与疲累。。
睡个大觉，好好地放松心情吧！

我去睡了！

-Raining-

It was a long long time since i last blogged.
Well, my PC at home went 'smoking'.. its time to change a new one. But when is my new one coming, Father?
***

Last week, i just went back to Malaysia to visit my grandparents. Brought my good friend, Jin along too. We had an enjoyable time. Did things we dont get to do in Singapore. For me, it was my first time climbing a mountain.. I mean REAL mountain.. not those concreted pavement, but on those really steep and brown earth. I feel good to have my friend with me. My life in Malaysia is the most precious time in my whole entire life. I dont want those experiences just to stay with me, its a pleasure to share my childhood with those who are really special to me. Friends, are to share life, isnt it? =o)

It is cold, extremely cold. I like raining days.
I miss my grandmum's quilt.

Every bed in every house of my relatives will have at least one colourful quilt.
My grandmum alone, sew quilts for every single person in the family. When i was waiting for my cousins to come back from school, there's always the sewing machine sound coming out from her room right from the end of the corridor. I have been sleeping under the warmth of her love throughout my life. And i love it very much. I remembered how i lost my sleep when my mum threw away the old and tattered first quilt which i have outgrown and how i shouted at her for doing so. I never felt that i had a good cover ever since then.

She's really a woman of strength. At the age of 82, she still works hard in her vege farm. Two weeks ago, she just fell in the vege farm and fractured her arm. To think, she even picked herself up and walked home on her own. I thank God for protection!! Her efforts and her love makes all dishes taste wonderful.

She used to plant lime in her vege farm and she likes to make those preserved lime. She would keep them in bottles and left them out in the sun. My cousins and i would 'steal' each piece everyday, thinking that it was only just a piece.. but before we knew it, the whole bottle was gone. Kids never like proper meal, i do not know why. Got worms in the stomach, maybe. *shurgs. Right outside my grandmum's house is a road. Every evening, my grandmum would carry a bowl full of rice and veges, she would scream and yell for our names, we will then run to her and get fed, then off we go, on the road, playing again and this repeat.

My grandmum loves all her grandchildren alot. She treats my sis and me exceptionally well. Because they seldom see us. I remembered there was once my cousins wanted to go to the shops and buy some things... i felt 'unfair' that they didnt bring me along. But one motorcycle can only sit two people. I do not know how to ride a motorcycle, so i insisted on following them by riding a bicycle. They refused. I stubbornly and wilfully insisted. My then young and 'cute' sis wanted to follow me too. So she sat on the passenger seat of the bicycle. They rode off quietly, not wanting me to know. I noticed and i followed tightly. They tried to mislead me and did a detour. I follow suit. I paddled and paddled, blaming my sis for her weight that slowed down the chase. Then suddenly, i felt light. My sis fell from the bicycle. OPs. Big touble. We quickly carried her home. My grandmum heard her wailing and she rushed out of the house. She got so angry and she slapped me. That slap was actually meant for my cousin. When she knew she slapped the wrong person, she teared. But im glad that she "mis-slapped" me. She never slapped the wrong person. That was the first and last time i receive "pain" treatment from her.

My grandparents used big oil drums to collect rain water for bathing. My cousins and i love to climb into the oil drum and submerged into the water. There was once we were almost caught. I cut myself while i tried to climb out of the drum before we were found. Because the cut was on a vulnerable area, and i was bleeding profusely, plus the blade was rusty, we had no choice but to owed up and asked for medical assistance. Ever since then, my grandmum eyes were on us everywhere we went. We never tried to conquer the drum again.

My grandmum will packed lots of home grown vege and chillies for us to bring back to Singapore. I have no problem with that of course, im not the one who was carrying them. My grandfather was. =P I didnt like vege. But my mum will always use "Popo zhong4 de4, yao4 chi1 wan2" as a catch to make me eat. I dont want her efforts to go to the bin.

When holidays were up, bags were loaded in the car. I hate the departure from my grandmum's house, to the extent that i hated SIngapore. I hoped it never existed, so that i do not need to come back. My grandmum will always cry when we leave. I always hold my tears and looked back until everything became out of sight.

Now i have grown older, she always says things that makes me cry. Though i know that what she said is the truth, but i do not want the truth to come so soon. God answers all prayers, no doubt about it. But i do not know if its foolish of me to pray such a prayer to God. It could be out of a good intention but an empty shell prayer? Can God transfer life from people to people? Yes, He can.. but will He do it?

Memories are the quilt that keeps you warm when you feel that the world is cold.

-after the rain-

I fell alseep while putting the green mud on my face. Was ready to slumber but forced myself out of the bed to read. But while reading, i tore myself away from the book and took over this monitor. Wanted to finish up the stories of my family because i want to get into something else. But i enjoyed sharing about my family especially my grandparents. They are wonderful people.

I just read Simon's, Weizhong's and Sarah's blog. Wow.. lots of changes. Cool. All black blackground with nice font colours.. compared to mine... Sigh.. Why do people want to make HTML so complicated?? Anywayz--

So cool.. the rain has stopped and moon has begin to give her shine again.
Rain brings back the fond memories back in my grandparents' house. Because of the rain, my grandparents, uncles and aunties were have to be called to an early day retirement. I like it. Everyone would stay put in the house watching television together...

My grandfather is a great man. I will tell you why.

I cant remember how old i was.. there was once my cousin, Wen Shing and i got so bored that we went to ransack our youngest auntie's room. We took out her make up kit and declared ourselves young artists. Happily, we played wayang... terror stroke when my auntie came back and found me, only me, with that stubborn lipstick that refuses to go from my lips, she gave me a good treshing and chased me out of the house in the late night. She locked the gate, and there i was, outside alone in darkness.. the heavy concreted stool was my companion, giving me security as i leaned against it, seeking comfort. The next morning, i found myself sleeping on my grandfather's bed.

Oh yes.. more than this....

When we were studying in Singapore, he would come here often to visit us and bring us to the places my sis and i wanted to go and buy whatever things we want to buy. He was our santa claus. I always wanted to play his host because i live here.. but in the end, it always the other way round. He would bring us to swimming pool and wait patiently for us for an hour while we soak in the water. Whats more admiring was that he came specially just to bring us back to Malaysia to spend the holidays with them, and he will bring us back to Singapore again. He was already quite old at that time..

In Malaysia, every morning, he would let my sis and i sleep to the fullest. Breakfast would be ready on the table each morning without fail. I remembered i woke up early sometimes just to watched my cousins dressed for school and hoping that time would travel in the speed of light so that i can play with them again. I will sit on the sofa facing the road, watching how my three cousins squeezed on a motorcycle, while my grandfather drives them to school. Come to think of it, its really funny. Three little children, hugging each other from behind and puut puut puut... off they went...

While my cousins were in school, sis and i would stay at home practically doing nothing. Lying here and there and watching my grandfather work outside the house. He spread the rubber sheets and coco seeds on the hot bitumen ground to keep them dry. He always wear the straw hat and carry a shovel on his shoulder, just like a typical farmer. But to me, he is more than a farmer. I still remembered beads of sweat flows down his tanned back and it seems like every sweat was smiling because that was his livelihood. And had brought him so far...

Disturbing the nature was our forte.
We loved to catch butterflies with our bare hands, deprived them from flying, challenged each other in catching tadpoles and houseflies. My cousin, Xiao Di (same age as me, Wenshing's brother) always the winner of course. He is the smartest among us but naughtiest too. I still remembered the sickening bag of drowned flies he showed me after his victory. youckS! We gave no peace to the millipedes too. The sight of seeing them curled up in shocked made us feel shiok. Spiders! We like to make fun of spiders, tapping them down from our hand, suspending them in the air.. while they tried to struggle back to the top, we tap them down again. For me i would purposely wait for them to climb all the way up to the proximity of my hand, then i gave a hard tap and made them fall a big time. Well, their determination is what i have learnt.
There was once, one of my older cousin, who was an "ah beng" (Xiao di and Wen Shing's big borther), brought a few of us to explore er.. not a very deep forest which is just beside our house.. We stopped by a stream and caught shrimps and tiny fishes (ikan bilis, maybe). Ignorantly, we brought our 'harvest' home and fried them with salt, without the adults knowledge, and ate them. Thank God we are still alive. Haha. That was my first and last visitation to the forest. Quite a fearful one.. because i couldnt identify where i was.. trees was everywhere and most horrifying was that they looked the same. We ended the day by stealing our neighbour's papayas who lived behind us. We sliced it, served with vingear and chilli to the family. Hee. I was very young then.. think in primary four the most.. ?

Soon, we covet for toys.. but no money.. An evil thought came to us. We knew that my grandfather has a huge, huuge milo can full of coins on top of his cupboard. We decided to withdraw some unoffically. Xiao di and I was the one who climbed to the top and GRABBED as much coins as our tiny hand could hold.. We wrapped the coins with my skirt and ran out of the house bending forward, holding my skirt to 'protect' the coins. (my grandparents were watching television in the living room) Lo and behold.. the last thing we ever want to happen, happened... half way through the big living room, the coins came dingling off my skirt and fell to the the ground. My accomplices quickly pick them up and we ran out of the house as fast as possible, to our bicycle and rode off to the provision shop down the streets. I do not know my grandfather know or not.. but he didnt ask any questions.

On hot afternoon day, we would open our ears big to try to catch a ringing sound of bells. When we heard it from distance.. we would jumped out of the sofa and anticipate.. my grandparents would give us money (automatically) and the happy children would run out of the house, waiting eagerly for the sight of the ice-cream man..

I told you, my grandfather is a great man. =o)

Wow.. time passes fast! I targetted to sleep by midnight... I have turned into cinder and rags.
I will come back and pick up my glass shoe - You will know that my grandmother is a great woman. I will tell you why.

-blue sky-

He is handsome, she is beautiful. They are the perfect match on heaven and earth.
When i looked into his eyes of gentleness, all i see is love.
When i looked into her eyes of tenderness, all i see is love.
He is my hero, she is my heroine.

He is Cao Ji, she is Huang Qi Zhen.

I am born in the family of Cao. Cao2 cao1 de4 Cao2.
Im proud and love my surname. Not only because it is unique and rare, most of all, i bear my grandfather's name. (Of course, proud of my dad too)

I have a vauge recollection of my first five years of my life. But i know i spent it in Malaysia, under the care of my grandparents. I loved those days. The whole famliy lived under one roof. Big family. My grandparents has ten children. Very well balanced. Five boys and five girls. My dad is the number three from the boys side but is in the fifth position when all the slibings add together. The sequence goes like this: boy, girl, boy, girl, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy. Hmm.. im thinking, if my grandmother was to go on reproduce, maybe i would have another auntie? Hah.

Hmmm.. I dont think my parents were with me much in the first five years of my life. They were in Singapore working, trying hard to get me an entry permit to Singapore, i think. And only managed to get me in here only when i was five. But i thank God that i have my first five years of my life living with my grandparents. Though i may not remember everything, but i do know that i have stored those feelings in my heart. The feeling of living in an extended family having everyone cramped into a big house that soon to be outgrown.. doing things together, as one. I think its a gift, that my family is very united. When one was in trouble, the whole family will stand together and fight. Thats the condition that i was brought up in. I love the spirit. But what i saw at that time, was the fruits that my grandparents had bore so far for that time. Their past, to me was a glorious one.. i believe everyone has one.. But mine was an extraordinary one. Simply because i am born in this family.

My dad likes to ah1 gong1 jiang2 gu3. Whenever we got a bit spendthrift, he will yakdudodido.. telling me how bad life was when he was young. Though im not really interested in his lecture, but the stories always captivate me.

My father used to live in a small hut in a forest. Imagine, a family of twelve living in a small hut, at the same time trying to fight against any possibilities of getting attacked by any hungry animals. My grandfather would work hard in the plantations and my grandmother would look after the rascals in the home. My father would tell me how my grandmother would set up fire around the house when the night falls.. alone, to protect her children from any harm. How brave was she.They were poor, all they had was just a pair of hands, working hard to bring bread on the table and to do their best to send the children to school. The rest was history. Too much to elebroate on. I feel that its nearly impossible to write down every tear and blood shed to bring the family out from the wilderness to the promised land. To my five year-old memory, we were already living in a big terrace house with six rooms, owning a few pieces of land and plantations. By that time, seven of the children were married. I remembered i saw my grandfather and my uncles building the second level of the house together to accomodate the multiplication. Err.. only the paternal families were living together. That was really something, wasnt it?

Now, its not difficult to spot my grandparents' house during big festivals or special occasions like wedding or my grandparents' birthday. Cars would lined up on the side of the road, slowing down the traffic. But who cares. Ha.
From nothing, now they have almost everything. I admired them for this. To date, the head count of my e-x-t-e-n-d-e-d family is over one hundred. (Should i pity my husband-to-be? HAha)

Got to get on to work. Will continue again.